It is Wednesday. I have just emerged from a hot shower with new bandages and clothes warm from the dryer. My surgery is 6 days old. Recovery has been more uncomfortable than expected. Although, this being my very first surgery, who knew what to expect.
I sat down with my journal today to write, to muse, to get in touch with my inner self, blah, blah, blah. Well, my journal isn't quite doing it for me today. So I decided to go virtual, digital, bloggy if you will. Now my husband is the kind who relishes the sound, the feel of ink on paper, traditional writing at it's best. He blogs when he has a story to tell or information to share, not just to put his thoughts in some form of record where anyone can see it. To be honest, it does feel a bit exhibitionist-like but, here I am.
French Cafe music is playing on my Mac. The sun is out. It looks pretty, even with the large mill collapsing across the street from me. It's a sad sight, such an interesting building with a long history. It's just imploding. THe own says he intends to renovate/rebuild but I can't see how. It will cost an absolute fortune to do it but I send him positive thoughts and energy. It would be nice to see it used again.
I am struggling with knowing where I need to go. I know where I want to get to. I want to be living in a home designed by my beloved and myself, green, natural, perfect. I want to be in an environment that supports the arts and my personal goals of a quiet successful art filled life in harmony with the earth.
But how do I get from here to there. I do live in an arts community. I have friends. Why am I feeling so disconnected, so unmotivated. I have books and courses galore. Some I haven't done or read but want to. Why don't I? What am I waiting for? Some other perfect opportunity?
My biggest worry is money. Isn't that a big one for everyone? Especially in a tanking economy? Of course. But physically, I can't go out and get a part time job somewhere. I can't stand, literally, for more than a bit before I have to go horizontal again. Who wants to hie that? And on-line jobs just aren't as easy to find as people seem to think. Setting up ones own business takes time. I have jewelry to sell but there's no big buying rush going on. At least not where I am. I quilt but, well, the standing thing is putting that on hold.
I'm just sitting on the pity potty today.
Look again, Michelle. The sun is out. Agnes Obel is now playing on the Mac. Husband is in his office writing away. Good friends. Health, sort of. Resilience. All the crafty supplies I could want.
Anyone see that roll of tp? I need to get moving along.
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